Slam Poem About Playing Bingo

For the second item in our "Whitest Slam Poems of All Time" series (our first was a slam poem about mailmen), I'd like to present the poem I wrote about playing bingo at the American Legion hall in Eau Claire. This time around, there's also a video of a performance. I'm way hotter now, just so you know.

Bingo

Mary walks in with

her huge blue hair

even bluer this week

like the sky, like the sea,

like the Pepsi can she sets

on the table right next

to a strange new guy

who looks her in the eye

and says, I-24, I-24,

O-67, O-67, B-8, B-8

Now, Mable down the table

really misses her kids,

really misses her husband,

really misses her dog,

really misses her N-42, N-42,

but her kids just live

on the other side of town,

while her husband is buried

seven feet down,

and her dog is at home

chewin on the couch

chewin on the rug,

chewin on the G-57, G-57,

I-19, I-19, O-71

See, Ellen in the corner

is a little less old,

but she’s out to win

and she’s a little bit cold

to the regular crowd

and their I-24, I-24,

B-2, B-2

Vern walks down the aisle

with a bucket and a smile,

tickets for a buck,

you can try your luck

at the bingo night raffle

whose prizes include

O-74, O-74, I-29, I-29

Sittin in the back are

Sara and Jack,

double-fistin beers

with their six year old Ben

who, on his Game Boy, plays

G-65, G-65, B-14, B-14

He’s little bit bored,

and doesn’t understand,

why mom and dad laugh

and shout and holler

when the bingo caller

pulls I-69, I-69

Sittin right up front

are Rose, and Lois,

and Edna, and Jane,

and Evelyn, and Maude,

and these six gals have

coffee every morning,

play bridge every lunch,

play bingo every night,

play church every Sunday,

play grandma every Christmas,

and they really don’t like each other

all that much

but their husbands are boring

and lazy and such

so twice a day

they meet and say

N-35, N-35, G-52, G-52

Everyone smokes and everyone drinks

and everyone checks their

two dozen cards for

regular bingo, crazy tee,

postage stamp,

angle, four corners, little diamond,

big diamond, six pack, eight pack,

and blackout,

some might win,

and everyone loses

at least once each night,

and when someone shouts bingo,

they clear their cards and say

B-4, B-4, N-37, N-37

So I walk in

buy one single card

sit by myself,

look really hard,

check the free space

shout bingo!

And the glares shoot up

from surly old crowd,

I get my prize,

look at the ground,

and say,

I guess I just don’t talk Bingo speak.